


Shell Shock

by To_Fly_Or_Not_To_Fly



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War II, Angst, Blood, Depressing, Hella metaphors, Implied mental illness, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Private Kindaichi, Private Kunimi, Sad Ending, Sergeant Kageyama, Staff Sergeant Iwaizumi, Staff Sergeant Oikawa, Tragedy, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-19 14:09:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7364542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/To_Fly_Or_Not_To_Fly/pseuds/To_Fly_Or_Not_To_Fly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama is a Sergeant during World War Two. Death has become an old acquaintance that lingers in his life- one he was never trained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shell Shock

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. :'(

Kageyama screamed. And screamed. And screamed. He screamed until all the frustration- all the pent up emotions- were set free. There would be no alleviating the pain completely but the temporary relief was almost blissful. However, nothing would change.

He would glare at the sky in hopes that it would fall. He’d want to smash things to the ground and stomp on the pieces until the remains were only fragments of what they had been. He longed for the sweet release from his body. The constant ache was unbearable. His doctors told him it was only mental. But, hell, where else did psychological problems happen?

* * *

Life wasn’t fair. It just fucking wasn’t. His men were meant to come home. Meant to go back to their families and live regular lives.

Every single day, the numbers dwindled and he was soon left with a fraction of an army. Trenches were uncovered graves for the dead or dying. Disease plagued the air in staggering amounts, helping the rot decompose bodies quicker. He could often taste it on his dried tongue or filling his already tainted lungs. The sun scorched the men and lands alike as the heavens cast their wrath onto humanity.

“You’re a little pale there Sarge. Maybe you should leave important matters to someone else.” Kindaichi stated as he attended to the bloody gash on his thigh. Kageyama watched the large hands worked to slow the insistent circulation and stop the bleeding completely. Tightly wrapped gauze would not help it heal but would serve as a temporary substitute until they made it to a nursing tent.

“No one else is qualified.” He stated simply. Even if there was a person among them that was qualified, only Kageyama would be allowed to make decisions. He’d be labeled a coward if he allowed someone to take charge.

“Doesn’t mean they can’t make the right decision.” Kindaichi let out a hefty sigh as he tied up the gauze. Instead of staying down, like he was told, he gathered his belongings and heaved himself up the dirt wall. The gun at his side shined like a sword ready to slash. A poorly hidden groan escaped his lips as he shifted his body onto his bad side. The soldier took slow steps forward- limping awkwardly as he became nothing but a memory.

Kageyama stayed put until he heard the last of the fighting stop.

* * *

The hell-raised lands were temporary homes. Blood, shrapnel, and tears were his only constant company as the war raged on. Soot clung to his sweaty skin and damp clothes, almost completely covering half of his face. The grenades always sat heavy in his hand as he was about to deliver another death sentence. Every day was judgement day as the four horsemen laid waste to the grounds. Their destruction was irreparable and both sides were left devastated. Hades would haunt Kageyama for as long as he would live.

* * *

“We can’t go on, ‘ _Sergeant Kageyama_.’ The territory is a trap and you know it.” Kunimi sneered as he slammed his hands on the raggedy map. “We’ll die before we make it to the other side.”

“Then what the hell are we supposed to do? We’ll starve if we stay here. We’ll get shot if we go back. The men can’t afford to go around it in their condition- it’s too long. Forward is the only way we can go.” They had to or else death would be at their doorstep sooner rather than later.

“Then go by yourself because we will not follow your lead.” Kunimi glared at him. Maybe it was for all the lives he’d lost. Or for forcing them back into war zones time and time again. The black bags under his eyes made the look harsher. Restlessness discriminated against no one as it pushed men into the deep corners of their minds.

“Do you hear yourself? It’s like you want to die.”

“We all have to die somewhere.” The Private whispered, gazing past his senior and onto the injured men. Their food and supplies were running out to fast. The men would barely survive a fortnight in their current location. They had to keep moving forward. Many lives would be lost but there would be survivors.

“Then die fighting for your country.” Kageyama grit through his teeth.

Kunimi shook his head, “Or I can die protecting my fellow soldiers.”

* * *

Kageyama heard it before he saw it. Clicks then deafening booms surrounded his tent. The ground trembled on impact; their reality sunk in quickly. Kageyama rushed out of bed to grab the map and his rifle. There was sparsely any ammunition left but he would have to make do.

“Sergeant Kageyama! We’re being attacked!”

“From which direction?”

Several screams followed the explosions that went off. Private Kunimi sprinted in, blood dripping from his arm and face pale as bone. He was alive but was barely holding onto life.

"Everywhere." He ripped cloth and miserably attempted to wrap the injury.

"We have to fight." Kageyama stated as he put the weapons holster on his hip with one hand. He scrambled to find anymore weapons while sending glances at the injured man. "And I think we both know which direction we have to go in to stay alive."

"There are men dying outside and you bring up that? You're selfish. Power-hungry. The enemy is more likely to follow your plan than your soldiers. If we get out of this, I'm going to go punch you in the face." The Privates words of frustration would sting later, but right now, there was a fight to win.

"Enough with the empty threats. You know I needed to make a plan and that's all we can do." Kageyama pulled Kunimi out the tent to their armory. They stumbled past running men and abandoned posts as more explosions went off. Debris laid scattered as grenades fulfilled their only job. In a matter of seconds, their base was a shadow of what it had been.

They kept going. If they couldn't get proper weapons, they couldn't fight back.

"We're going to die." Kunimi whispered, staring out at the calamity. Tents were being destroyed. Fire consumed them in giant licks before moving onto the next. Enemies ran forward from the forests and shot at everything. Kageyama dragged them both into the nearly empty armory. He quickly grabbed more ammunition for himself and some for Kunimi, as well as another gun. The Private gulped as he took the items; probably assessing their chances at survival, as per usual.

More bombs went off nearby causing the two men to run out.

Kageyama searched for an advantage point, eyes scanning the area as quick as he could. The majority of his soldiers were in on the field- firing at anyone who dared come close. An entire part of the forest was being completely unused by anyone. That would be their escape route. "Remember how you said you'd fight protecting everyone?"

"Y-yes." Kunimi fumbled with his gun as he attempted to load it as fast as possible.

"Did that include yourself?"

The silence was a good enough answer for Kageyama.

They exchanged glances then looked back out to the fight. They couldn't stay there longer. Not if they wanted more men to come out alive.

"Look over there." The Sergeant pointed to the abandoned part of the forest. "It's completely uninhabited. No people, no guns, no fire-"

"No light." All the damage was happening inside the base, and nowhere near the dense forest.

"Exactly. The perfect way out." Kageyama nodded before continuing, "We have to tell everyone though, separately to cover more ground. Running into the enemies line of fire is counterproductive though. It's a risk but there's no other option."

The Private scanned the area and calculated a route. He aimed then fired at an unknown person. Kageyama trusted him enough to know that it hit its mark. "Got it. Let's move." Finally, cooperation.

Just as they were about to move, Kageyama gave one last order. "Kunimi. Come back in one piece." They shared a nod before running off.

* * *

The next half hour was a living nightmare. There were men being gunned down, on both sides. Bullets flew in every direction, grenades destroyed everything they touched, and Kageyama ran to tell the soldiers their orders.

So many went down though.

Kageyama found Kunimi soon after he had told everyone. The man was slumped against a tree, wheezing and bloody. His hands were shaky as he clung to his weapon. His dirty, navy uniform stuck to his skin and his hair was matted down from the sweat. He looked deprived of life, pale and completely underfed.

"No, no, no. This wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to get hurt." Kageyama muttered as he stumbled closer to the other man.

"This is a war. You shouldn't have expected anything else." Kunimi moaned in pain as he applied light pressure to a wound. The bleeding didn't stop. "It's no use fighting them. We're all dying- every last one of us."

Kageyama wouldn't accept this outcome- he couldn't. "I command you to keep going. There is help if we just keep going." They can't die yet, not with help was so close by.

"Sorry but I can't- not in these conditions. I'll only bring you down." Kunimi stated with a scowl. His breath became heavily labored as time went by. Men screamed their frustrations nearby as they fired.

"We need to all get back though. Not just one or two people."

Kunimi shook his head. "No use, as I already said. We'd never make it. You have to keep moving forward though- you have a chance if you ran. We'll give you time to escape. That I can make sure of."

Suddenly, a group of people came running towards them. Their opponents in this war. The remaining life seemed to have drained from Kunimi's face as he put his remaining bullets in the gun and aimed. He fired several times but only took down a few of them.

"Run! Move forward and get out of here! And do me a favor Kageyama." The Private grit his teeth as he fired more shots.

"What?"

"Move forward and survive. Live a normal life after this war." With that, Kageyama ran into the abandoned forest. He could hear shots fired from behind him, quick in their secession. Then there was nothing. He was unable to look back, knowing exactly what he'd see.

* * *

Kageyama had to keep moving. _Don’t let trench foot get you_. He had to keep fighting for the country he swore to protect. He prepared his gun and hoped the remaining bullets would get him to safety. He stumbled through the imprinted paths, hoping the memorized maps were correct.

The men were gone and it was his fault. But he had to fight- it was his duty.

Night had fallen, leaving Kageyama to gaze up at the smoke-covered sky. He took shelter deep in the forest, hidden beside a pile of dead branches and leaves. It was next to nothing but it would do. Gunfire and bombs could be heard in the distance as they caused ruins. The carnage just beyond his bed played out like a lullaby he had heard a million times before. Even though he couldn’t hear the soldiers dying, his imagination terrorized him in thoughts of cries and pleas from unknown men. He prayed no one would hear his sobs as he fell sleep.

* * *

“Sergeant Kageyama? Sergeant Kageyama? Oi! Sergeant Kageyama?” Kageyama could only move forward. Whispers were what was left of the shouts for him. Several bound to him but they were ignored. _Keep moving forward_. Soldiers yelled out for him to slow down and relax but he felt like he was dragging his feet. There was somewhere to be. He had to go back for his men. Their corpses.

Kageyama teared up at the memory of the final battle that finally took all his men. Why couldn’t he have done more? Why couldn’t he have eliminated more enemies?

No ‘what ifs’ would console Kageyama about their deaths.

* * *

“Do you think he has shell-shock?” Two blurry figures stood before him, talking. He could see their insignia stitched into their uniform. Almost like bows waiting to be released at a target. They were close but they sounded so far away. How did he get here? Who were these men? Calmness would not set into his mind. It all seemed wrong. There was still a war to win. Why was he here? The front lines were nearby... He had to go back for the bodies.

“It wouldn’t be the first time a sergeant gets it. They always get too close.” Forward. Forward. Keep going forward. But he had to get back. The two orders collided and caused even more confusion. Kageyama could feel his muscles twitch and attempt to move but he was effortlessly pushed back. “Easy there, cowboy.” The person’s head came into his vision; Hazy features then turned into a solid face. It was a sheer miracle that he was greeted by a familiar one. “Are you alright there? Do you want some food? Water?” Staff Sergeant Iwaizumi asked.

Kageyama opened his mouth but couldn’t find the right words to say.

“He’s traumatized.” Oikawa loomed over him. His voice was thunderous as he spoke a truth Kageyama was not ready for. They would not allow him back if he couldn’t be treated properly.

“Aren’t we all?” Iwaizumi placed a heavy hand on his shoulder and squeezed. It was probably for reassurance that everything would be alright, but it wouldn't. The older man turned back to him. "I need you to tell me exactly what happened out there."

"If you could possible do so. But it'd be fine if you take your time as well. We don't want you to get an even worse case of PTSD than you already have. God knows your terrible qualities list is already long." Iwaizumi looked up to glare at Oikawa before looking back at Kageyama.

"Kageyama?"

The Sergeant sat silently, deep in thought. He wished Kunimi was there to recount the events. He sighed deeply and told them what happened. Oikawa scowled at every word while Iwaizumi frowned.

* * *

Upon Kageyama's return home, he was presented with an honor. They placed it on his uniform and thanked him for his service.

That piece of metal meant nothing. “You survived.” “You fought bravely.” “You helped win.” He should have died with his men. No ‘honor’ would change the simple fact.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr as to-fly-or-not-to-fly so we can cry together.


End file.
